The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
