i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Can vaginas get frostbite?
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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