At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
