You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
