i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
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