Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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