Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
Randomize
