It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
Randomize
