brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
