Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
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