i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Randomize
