I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Randomize
