Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Randomize
