All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
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