You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
