this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
