I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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