Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
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