well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
