is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
