He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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