I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
You ate ashes out of my bong
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Randomize
