do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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