Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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