I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
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