Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
