Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
