I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
