I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
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