my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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