uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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