Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
