I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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