Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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