If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
