that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Randomize
