I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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