the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
