I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
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