why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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