Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I enjoy the company of your penis
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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