My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
