I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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