Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
