his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
