even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
