hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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