I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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