If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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