it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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