Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Randomize
