It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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