Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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