wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
