I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
Randomize
