she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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