it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
