I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
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